THE KING’S SCHOOL OF MARRIAGE (KSM)
(A Special Marriage and Relationship Training Programme for Singles and Marrieds, and Also for Separated, Divorced, Widows, Parents and Clerics Under The King’s People Connection and Happy Marriage Training Institute)
Lecture Number: LECTURE 102
Lecture Topic: CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY
Lecturer: A. T. ADENEKAN
Every Content of This Lecture is Protected By International Laws, So It Must Not Be Reproduced Whether in Part or Whole Without Written Permission from Happy Marriage Institute and The King’s People Connection.
Contact +2347030371153 for Any Enquiries or Invitations or E-mail happymarriageinstitute@gmail.com
DO NOT COPY OR SEND ANYTHING FROM HERE TO ANYONE AT ANY TIME AND IN ANY WAY.
Good Day to You.
I pray whatever you’ve done today shall bring you Great Profits in JESUS Name!
Our first lecture was Class 101.
The topic was MARITAL COMPATIBILITY.
And I’m sure you learnt much from it. Let’s begin today this way:
- WHY YOU MUST ALWAYS DO YOUR ASSIGNMENTS
I want you all to remember that this is a Special Training, and it is a School, School of Marriage.
It is a training, not a Seminar, but a Training Programme.
In a seminar, you could be taught something and you choose to do nothing with or about it.
But in a training, two things are involved: learning and practise.
So, during this training project you are to do Learning and Practise. That’s why you’re here.
A training means that you must practise or demonstrate anything that you’ve been taught or you’re being taught.
Your Assignments are parts of the ways to start the practise or demonstrations of these lessons you’re getting in this school.
So, everyday, immediately after Lecture, carry out any assignments I give you. That’s what will help you to retain and start practising what you’re learning here.
Aside this, each day, Write four lessons you learn from the Lecture of the day and post it to your Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, LinkedIn and other social media platforms you belong, both the status and timeline. Only four lessons daily, not less or more. However, this is not compulsory.
Write it there that it is lessons learnt from King’s School of Marriage under Happy Marriage Institute, a training project where you’re currently undergoing a relationship or marriage training.
Put the Lecturer’s name, A. T. ADENEKAN and put our website address www.happymarriageinstitute.com so people can know how to contact us either now or whenever they need helps in their marriages and relationships.
When you post on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tag Happy Marriage Institute.
- INTRODUCTION TO TODAY’S LECTURE
Today’s Lecture is CLASS 102.
The topic is something very important for you all to know before you choose a life partner and within your marriage both as an individual and as a couple.
I have talked to people from different parts of the world, seen marriages succeeded and failed, counselled and consulted for many singles, married, separated, divorced, widowed, parents and clerics and I have discovered this, believe me, is the most important thing that determines whether a marriage succeeds or fails, and the most important thing that’ll determine whether you’ll have a happy and successful marriage or a weeping and terrible marriage.
Take this as very serious and vital to your life, and both the present and future of your relationship and marriage, and that of your children or members too, depending on who you are and why you’re here: singles, married, separated, divorced, widowed, parent or cleric.
In the Book of Amos 3:3, the Bible asks a question…
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
For you or anyone to have a happy marriage, there must be an agreement between you and that person you want to marry or have married, for that marriage to be peaceful and be happy.
Now, I’m not just talking about the two of you agreeing to marry each other.
But I’m talking about the agreement of things from you two with each other.
I’m talking about you two being sure that you can stay together forever in peace and harmony…without having major problems or unresolvable problems, or trying to break each other’s heads later.
It is not just getting married that matters but getting married and being HAPPY in that MARRIAGE.
And not just occasional happiness but a constant happiness.
That’s why this Course is called COMPATIBILITY FOR HAPPY MARRIAGE.
Not just compatibility for marriage, but for Happy Marriage.
We are teaching you how to be married and be happy…not just how to be married.
And if you must be Married and Be Happy, this topic is one of the Most Important Things You Must Understand.
- REMEMBER THE DEFINITION OF COMPATIBILITY
Remember the definition of Compatibility that I gave you yesterday…
Compatibility is the capability of two people to live together for a long time without problems, major problems or unresolvable problems.
In addition, we can say without unresolvable conflicts.
You must memorise that definition so well that you can remember it in your dream.
That Compatibility is the Agreement You Need to make your marriage work and have a Happy Marriage in Life.
Adam did not just choose Eve, but he chose her because he saw that she was compatible with him and she was different from all the other creatures, the animals, that he had seen and named.
- YOU MUST BE PATIENT BEFORE YOU CHOOSE
A lot of people are not patient enough to wait for and get the person that is compatible with them for marriage to marry.
Adam saw all the animals in the world, in the garden, the beautiful ones and the ugly ones alike…
But he never chose any one of them because he saw that although they were looking good, yet they couldn’t make him happy and joyful for the rest of his life on earth.
That was why he didn’t choose any of them.
Let me tell you something today…
Had Adam chosen anyone of the animals in the Garden of Eden, GOD might never have created or brought Eve unto him eventually.
Some of you are choosing what is good before you meet what is better.
And some of you are in a hurry to choose what is better without being patient enough to await the arrival of what is best for you.
Good is good, but Better is better than Good.
Better too is fine, but THE BEST is what you really need to choose in order to Have a Happy and Successful Marriage.
But you must also note, that if you have already chosen, there are things you can do that irrespective of your choice or the kind of person you’ve chosen, you will have a happy and successful marriage with that same person.
But, like I told you under Lecture 101, you must be willing and ready to pay the price. If you do what I’ll teach you in this training, you will surely turn your marriage around no matter how it currently looks like.
But if you’re still single, there is someone that will be with you in life no matter what happens to you or what you go through at any time. You must await the coming of that person into your life. And I’ll teach you how to discover that person in this training.
That doesn’t mean that you must unnecessarily delay making choice or accepting the right people when they come. But, you must…
- YOU MUST ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
You must ask questions…and not just ask questions but YOU MUST ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS and truthfully search out the Right Answers to those Right Questions.
Marriage is a lifetime choice. A choice you make once and you stick to.
That kind of a choice is something you need to seriously work upon…work on yourself and on that person to know how the future would look like if you chose him or her.
And, as a married person, work on yourself and on the person you’ve married to make both your present, marriage and future to look the right way you both desire.
You ask yourself questions and you ask your GOD…and don’t just ask…you’ll ask the Right Questions and get the Right Answers.
And one of the Very Important Questions you must ask is the QUESTION OF CHARACTER
You must ask and know if there is CHARACTER AGREEMENT between the two of you.
Agreement of Character is the Number One Thing that makes a Marriage Succeed.
- THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT SCATTERS MARRIAGES
Disagreement of Character is the Number One Thing that brings about a Marriage Failure.
One MAJOR THING that’ll make you to be able to stay together with someone for a long time and have no major or unresolvable problem is…
WHEN THE CHARACTERS OF THE TWO OF YOU AGREE TOGETHER.
So, today we are talking on character agreement…CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY.
This lecture is very important…like I told you at the beginning.
The reason why two people who love each other today could later start beating and breaking each other’s heads is lack of Character Compatibility…
Because their two different characters do not agree together with each other.
When that happens, there’ll always be frictions…
There’ll always be problems in the marriage…
They’ll always be fighting each other…because they’ll always be annoying each other…
That’s why I told you yesterday that two people could be compatible in many other areas of life and yet not be compatible in the marital area of life.
Let me tell you something…
You see, when you get married, you’ll be living with that person you marry EVERY DAY…
You’ll be seeing that person ALWAYS…
You’ll sleep on same bed for four to twelve hours each day…
You’ll see each other all the time…
So, if your character is displeasing to him or her…
He’s going to be seeing that your displeasing character…everyday…
She’s going to be witnessing your displeasing character every time.
Each time he or she sees you, he’ll remember that thing you usually do that annoys him…
Then he’ll begin to hate you…even though you’ve not done that thing today…
She’ll begin to get annoyed with you, just the thoughts or sight of you would make that happen.
And disconnection begins to set in…
Because he/she knows you could at anytime do that thing again…
So, seeing you all the time doing what he/she hates…
How would there not be problems?
That’s why, before you marry, you must be sure you LIKE THE CHARACTER of the person you want to marry…and the person too likes your character.
You must be sure the Character of the Two of You Agrees Together.
If not, what the worldly people call GOBE in Yoruba language in Nigeria will always be happening in your marriage.
Do you know the meaning of Gobe?
PROBLEMATIC TROUBLES and TROUBLOUS PROBLEMS😀
So, if you don’t want that in your marriage, YOUR CHARACTERS MUST AGREE!
YOU TWO MUST BE COMPATIBLE, CHARACTER-WISE.
If not, na GOBE o.
But, you see, we can laugh about it here now, but if you don’t shine your eyes and you allow “Love” to blindfold you,or you don’t change where you’re supposed to change today, you’ll most likely regret your marriage.
To prevent that is the reason why we are doing this training for you.
So you could choose rightly or start living rightly
You choose rightly by marrying someone whose character agrees with yours or if already married, by growing up and deliberately changing your ways or TRANSFORMING YOURSELF to make your character become a good one suitable for a happy marriage.
Now, let’s go a little deeper on that.
- *WHAT IS CHARACTER?
First, what is Character?
Character is the general traits or attributes someone is known for…
The etymological meaning of the word character is TOOL FOR MARKING..
That means something with which someone has been marked oris known for…
You’ve identified someone and has marked them to be known for a particular thing…
Someone might have been marked or known for ANGER or Excessive Anger…
Stealing…
Abusing…
Backbiting…
Beating…
Cheating…
Or someone might have been marked for being GENTLE or too gentle…
Accepting…
Correcting…
Helping…
Or for criticizing…
Complaining…
Being a perfectionist…
Laziness..
Procrastinating…etc.
All these things stem from what people think…
That’s why Microsoft Encarta Dictionary defines character as…
A person’s distinctive quality of mind…that makes the person different from others.
Character is a person’s trait that makes them behave in a particular way…that’s why they are known for that behaviour.
So, in short, another word for Character is BEHAVIOUR.
Now I know that one is more familiar.
So, before you marry someone, you must be sure you like their BEHAVIOURS.
And, if you want to have a happy marriage, you must transform yourself to have the right kinds of behaviours that your spouse will like from now. That’s the only way you can have a happy marriage.
Now, let’s go a little much deeper than that.
Is someone still with me?
- NO ONE IS PERFECT
No one has a perfect character, so you will never see anyone in this world with a Perfect Behaviour.
Everyone has their Good Sides and their Bad Sides.
Even the best of humans still has a bad side.
If someone did something that touches your heart today…
Don’t quickly conclude that he or she is an angel…
Because the same person could tomorrow do something that’ll make you want to kill yourself or kill him or her.
So, every one has both a good and a bad side…
Someone who hurts you today might be the only one who’s helping you tomorrow.
- AN IMPORTANT QUESTION YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF
Therefore, you must understand that every angel has a demon-side and every demon has an angel-side…character or behaviour-wise.
But, the question you must ask yourself about that guy or that girl is this…
CAN I LIVE WITH HIS BAD SIDE AND BE HAPPY DOING SO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
CAN I LIVE WITH HER BAD SIDE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND BE HAPPY DOING SO?
That’s the question many people don’t ask before rushing into marriage…
They only see the good sides and overlook the bad sides…
And then when those bad sides begin to show up in marriage…
They begin to regret that marriage with that person…
You must seek out and discover the bad sides of anyone you’re planning to settle down with and assess the situation…
And ask yourself…
IF MAJANAT DOES NOT CHANGE IN THE BEHAVIOURS HE HAS THAT I DON’T LIKE, CAN I LIVE WITH HIM LIKE THAT AND STILL BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE LIVING WITH HIM?
That’s the way you must ask that question.
Put his or her name?
If Tinde doesn’t change in that bad behaviour he has, can I live with Tinde like that and be happy living with him for the rest of my life on earth?
If Tabi doesn’t change in her bad behaviour or the things she does that I don’t like, can I live with her like that for the rest of my life and be happy living with her that way?
Also, if you’re married, you must ask yourself, the way you’re living and behaving to your spouse, is it making the person happy?
If it’s your spouse that was doing the way you’re doing and behaving the way you’re behaving now, will you be happy?
Is your wife happy that she married you? Answer.
Is your husband happy that he married you?
What is your answer?
And, if you continue like this and don’t truly and permanently change right now, will you have a happy and successful marriage. Will that person remain with you in that marriage or will they decide to leave?
Ask yourself these questions…answer yourself…think about the question…think about the answers?
- WHY MUST YOU ASK THAT QUESTION?
If you’re still single today, asking yourself this question is very important. The reason is this: PEOPLE HARDLY CHANGE!
Don’t ever think he or she is going to ever change after marriage!
Don’t even think it.
Naturally Speaking, People Don’t Change o.
I’ve told you now o.
I said people HARDLY CHANGE just to put it in a good way.
My friend, PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE, naturally speaking.
And if someone would ever change at all…
It’s NOT YOU that’ll change the person.
ONLY GOD can CHANGE ANYONE.
It is only TRANSFORMATION by the Power of GOD that makes someone to change.
Or
Personal DETERMINATION of that person and the consistency in the decision to Change in any area of their lives where they decide or desire to change.with the HELP OF GOD.
Those are the two factors that can make anyone change in life.
If you’re the one who needs a change in any area or concerning any of your bad characters or behaviours, whether you’re single, married, separated, divorced or widowed, or you’re seeking and praying for a change for any of your children as a parent ormembers as a cleric, those are the two things that will make you or that person to change.
- THE TWO FACTORS RESPONSIBLE FOR CHANGE IN PEOPLE’S LIVES
So the two things that make people change are Spiritual Transformation by GOD and Personal Determination by the Person.
Without those two, nobody will ever change in their Character or the way they behave.
You see that? ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE ANYONE.
So, you must be ready to live with that person’s BAD HABITS like that for the rest of your life on earth…just in case he or she doesn’t change.
If you’re not ready to do that, then DON’T MARRY HIM OR HER.
But if you’re married and you have a bad character or behaviour that makes your partner unhappy or that he or she usually complains about, you must do those two things diligently and consistently…if you want that marriage become a happy and peaceful one.
Is someone reading me?
But, generally as a single, if it’s something you can live with, just understand that when you’re embracing someone’s good sides, you must also embrace their bad sides.
Therefore, marry only someone whose BAD SIDES you can embrace o.
So, MAKE SURE you discover their bad sides…
So tomorrow you’ll not say “I didn’t know he is like that o.”
“I never knew that’s who she is.”
YOU MUST KNOW NOW!
That’s the purpose of this training, that’s the purpose for KSM…
To make you to know.
“HE WAS NOT LIKE THAT BEFORE I MARRIED HIM.”
Ha! He was not like that ke! That’s how he’s been all his life since he was born, or since you met him, you didn’t just want to know ni…you overlooked it because of “Love.”
“THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I MARRIED, SHE HAS COMPLETELY CHANGED.”
Oga, that’s exactly the person you married. She hasn’t changed anything. It’s you that was BLIND to the Bad Side of her Behaviours or we can say the Weaknesses of Her Character…
Because you were only focusing on her Good Sides or what we can call the Strengths of her Character.
So, as you shall see from our Lectures from tomorrow…your good sides are your Strengths while your bad sides are your Weaknesses.
And everyone in this world has what we call Personal Strengths and Personal Weaknesses…or Character Strengths and Character Weaknesses.
So, even if someone is hiding their bad sides, YOU MUST TEST THEM TO KNOW THOSE BAD SIDES…you must know what their weaknesses are before you marry them.
Those of you who are already engaged or whose wedding is approaching, you need to know this right now o.
That Angel has a “Demon” side…
Discover those demon sides before your wedding day.
- BE READY BEFORE YOU MARRY
Not that you should stop your plan to marry them, but PREPARE YOURSELF to handle the bad sides when they show up in marriage.
Make Plans to Meet Them…
Plans of What to Do if and when that person begins to show those bad sides and the weaknesses in his or her character…or else quit now.
Many married people didn’t think of this and weren’t ready to meet those needs of bad sides or didn’t have any plan of How to Handle the Weaknesses of their Spouse…
That is one of the Basic Reasons why people beat, hate or kill each other after wedding…why most couples always clash, fight and divorce.
Your Angel Has a Demon Side o.
I didn’t say your Angel has a demon, but has a “demon side.” There is a big difference between the two.
Even GOD Almighty is both the GOD OF LOVE and at the same time GOD OF FIRE.
JESUS CHRIST is both a Lamb and at the same time a Lion.
So everyone has two sides…like a coin.
Therefore, you must discover the Other Side of your Partner before you marry him or he.
And then ask that most important natural question for marital choice…that…
IF CANTO DOES NOT CHANGE IN THE AREA OF HIS WEAKNESS, WILL I BE HAPPY LIVING WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IF I MARRY HIM?
IF SANTA DOES NOT CHANGE IN THE AREAS OF HER WEAKNESS, OR HER BAD BEHAVIOURS, WILL I BE HAPPY AS HER HUSBAND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IF I MARRY HER?
If your answer is NO. Then you need to have a rethink. Please, have a RETHINK!”
But if it is YES…you’re good to go.
You must therefore test your future partner whose bad sides you’re yet to see before you marry him or her.
I’ll tell you how to test and discover it all during this course.
- THENUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWOKEYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
This CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY is very important for a HAPPY MARRIAGE.
Marrying the Right Person is the Number One Key to Having a Happy Marriage for a single individual. I’ll tell you the number one key for a married person later.
Now, this Character Compatibility is the most important natural thing that determines who this right person is.
So, Character Compatibility is the Number Two Key to Having a HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE…
Not Prayer and Fasting o…not going to church everyday…not marrying a Pastor or a spiritual person…
Not even reading the Bible every day and night…
CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY is the NUMBER TWO KEY to a HAPPY MARRIAGE…
You see, I’m a Pastor. I’ve been in the ministry for over 15 years now.
But, I’m not one of those people that will deceive you that once you’re reading the Bible and praying, ALL WILL BE WELL.
I teach ONLY THE TRUTH discovered from the Bible, Research and Life Events…
If just reading the Bible would make all to be well, why are GREAT MEN and WOMEN OF GOD divorcing…?
Why are their wives and husbands LEAVING them?
These are TRUE and GENUINE MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD o. I’m not talking about the Fake Ones o.
These are people who are truly called by God and they are doing God’s Work in God’s Way…yet they have their Spouses leaving them.
My Friend, IT IS BECAUSE OF CHARACTER INCOMPATIBILITY most of the times.
So don’t let anyone deceive you. Give yourself some good brain. Did you hear me?
- YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION
If you want to enjoy your marriage, you must FIND OUT the BAD SIDES of that person and ask yourself…
WILL I BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH HIM LIKE THIS AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
WILL I BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH HER LIKE THIS AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
This is THE MOST IMPORTANT NATURAL QUESTION to ask before you decide on whom to marry.
It is the Most Important NATURAL QUESTION…I’ll still give you the MOST IMPORTANT SPIRITUAL QUESTION before the end of this training. I’ll tell you the most important spiritual question under Part 2.
The two are equally important, if you ask and answer one without asking and answering the other, you might still miss it, most people do. That is why so many people missed it, including many people you think their marriages ought to work but it failed.
So, always remember that MOST IMPORTANT NATURAL QUESTION…
If Tinde or Sude does not change in the things he or she does that I don’t like, WILL I BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH HIM or HER LIKE THIS AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
You can see how I keep repeating it.
You must ask and answer rightly…not by deceiving yourself.
Whatever your sincere answer is, should naturally determine whether you’ll continue with that relationship or not.
“But we’ve been in this relationship for the past ten years, how can we breakup now?”
SHUT UP joooor!
Compare ten years to the rest of your life on earth…
If you’re 30 years old now.
And let’s assume you’ll live up to 90 years on earth.
That means you still have about 60 years to live on earth.
Compare the ten years of relationship that you don’t want to lose to the 60 years that you will LIVE TO REGRET your life’s decision.
Marry someone you can live with their bad sides and still be happy doing so if they don’t change from that bad side…because they might never change, if they don’t do the two things that brings about character changes.
So, Character Compatibility is the ability of two people to live together for a long time and accept each others’ good and bad behaviors without problems, major problems, or unresolvable problems: Without frictions or unresolvable conflicts.
I’ll ask you that in your exams. Note it.
- PLEASE, REMEMBER TO WRITE YOUR QUESTIONS AND LESSONS LEARNT?
Send in your COMMENTS about the Lecture. Let’s know how well you’re learning, enjoying and benefitting from this training. It is important.
You can also send in suggestions or PRIVATE MESSAGE your Suggestions as a WhatsApp Message to +2347030371153 if you like.
E-mail happymarriageinstitute@gmail.com.
Note that YOU MUST NOT COPY OUT ANYTHING TAUGHT HERE OR POST IT ANYWHERE OR SEND IT TO ANYONE, whether in part or whole. THANKS!
RIGHT NOW 👉, Write four lessons you learnt from this Lecture and post it to your Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, LinkedIn and other social media platforms you belong, both your status and timeline. Only four lessons, not less or more.
Write it there that it is lessons learnt from Lecture 102, of King’s School of Marriage of Happy Marriage Institute, a training programme where you’re currently undergoing a relationship or marriage training.
That’s how you’ll do it each day of this training, you’ll state the Lecture number you’re posting from.
Put the Lecturer’s name, A. T. ADENEKAN, that’s the name you’ll use, and put our website address www.happymarriageinstitute.com so people can know how to contact us either now or whenever they need helps in their marriages and relationships.
Remember, when you post on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, tag HAPPY MARRIAGE INSTITUTE.
CLASS CLOSE!