If we really want to help people, we must find ways to encourage them to leave deadly marriages. Divorce is better than early grave.
Imagine the everlasting effect the incident of children watching their father beat their mother to death would have on those children.
Now, let’s think about it, is it a man who beats his wife and the mother of his children to death over N2000 that would cater for the children left behind even if he wasn’t hanged?
No matter how much we love people, we can never love them more than the God who made them. People are suffering and people are dying in bad marriages.
Not every death occurs by beating, but so many happen through bad marriages. It is only the ones that are aired that we know.
There is a difference between “I hate divorce” and “Do not divorce.” The same way God hates divorce He hates ignorance too. But, He hates people dying early and leaving their children behind more. Now, He hates people going to hell the most.
Many young men and women would still be alive today if they had had their parents, friends or clergy who had the courage to counsel or agree to them separating from or divorcing a bad marriage.
Of course that doesn’t include every marriage that is not working, but any marriage that is deadly. People are more likely to go to hell fire from enduring a deadly marriage than from divorcing.
It is more difficult to make heaven while in a bad marriage than it is when separated. Over the night, I’ve had reasons to talk to two women who have such problem. Yet I decided to take 3 days off work to rest, in the midst of that rest I still have to do that while everyone else was asleep.
That’s why we tell single ladies and guys, marriage is beyond “Me I luv am and him too luuuuv me.” Those are not enough reasons to get married to someone. Love and care before marriage is different from love and care within marriage. Get knowledge, the right knowledge, before “falling” in love or before making a decision for marriage.
Don’t get married and then subject your making heaven to a subject of debate: “Will divorced and remarried make heaven or not?” You can do something now to prevent that.
Don’t marry today and start looking for divorce again. When you marry rightly and acquire the right knowledge before and within marriage, you will have no need to think of divorce.
Also, married people, knowledge is costly but it is much cheaper than ignorance. If you have a good marriage, make it to remain good and find ways to make it better. If you have an unhappy marriage, seek and get knowledge that will turn it into a happy one. A continuously unhappy spouse is a dangerous spouse.
If your husband or wife is consistently unhappy with you, it might be a sign of something evil coming, it might be the sound of the knock of death on your door. If you want to remain in that marriage, find ways to make your marriage partner become happy. Pay the price for a happy marriage.
In addition, we must all note that every marriage goes through challenges. The best of the best of the best of marriages in this world have their own problems too. What makes them the best is because they have a good knowledge, the right knowledge of marriage management. That might be what you need to make that marriage work again.
I once worked with a young couple, both of whom were really fed up with their marriage and ready to go their separate ways. After having first assured them of my readiness to support their decision, I asked them to allow me to work with them first.
After a short work to long and talk on the phone with each of them separately and some prayers before service as it was a Sunday morning, I called to check up on them after the service. The young man jokingly reported he was on his knees begging his young wife. Well, that possibly was his first time. Not because he was at fault or think he was, but because now he has a better knowledge.
They both went out to enjoy each other at a restaurant afterwards and it’s been months now, there have not been another evil encounter. Each time I call to check up on them, the tone of their voice shows they are now too happy with each other to ever leave each other.
Knowledge is important, the right knowledge. If we all have it, our marriages would be better and happier.
So, if you’re still single, seek the right knowledge on how to know and how to marry the right person that is right for you for the kind of marriage you want. Not every right person is right for you. Someone may be right for someone else yet wrong for you.
If married, before you think of divorce, first seek the right knowledge on how to fix that marriage. Perhaps, there is something you don’t know or that you’re doing wrongly, that if fixed could fix your marriage.
Lastly, if the worst come to worst, quit before you’re sent to your early grave. Nothing worth your early death.
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I am A. T. ADENEKAN
Founder, The King’s People Connection & Happy Marriage Training Programme