THE KING’S SCHOOL OF MARRIAGE (KSM)
(A Special Marriage and Relationship Training Programme for Singles and Marrieds, and Also for Separated, Divorced, Widows, Parents and Clerics Under The King’s People Connection and Happy Marriage Training Program)
Lecture Number: LECTURE 101
Lecture Topic: MARITAL COMPATIBILITY
Lecturer: A. T. ADENEKAN
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- INTRODUCTION
The name of this Course is COMPATIBILITY FOR HAPPY MARRIAGE. It is the first and basic course under The King’s School of Marriage (KSM).
KSM itself is one of the Training Programmes under THE KING’S PEOPLE CONNECTION (KPC) and HAPPY MARRIAGE TRAINING PROGRAMME (HMTP).
KSM is specifically designed to Help Singles to Know and Do what is needed that will help you to CHOOSE THE RIGHT LIFE PARTNER, someone that will make you Happy and Fulfilled in Life and not the one who will make you to regret your life and marriage.
It is also designed to Help Married People Know what to do and not do to HAVE A HAPPIER MARRIAGE, loving and helping each other to live a happy and fulfilled life and working together to become what you individually and collectively want to be and achieve what you want to do in life, and not be two enemies living under the same roof.
Many couples who ought to be best friends to each other have over the years in their marriages become worst foes.
Some of the major things that cause such things shall be addressed during this training and you shall know what to do, how to do it, what to start, how to start it, what to stop, and how to stop it in order to have the kind of happy and lovely marriage you’ve always desired.
So, KSM helps you to Prepare for and Have a Happy and Successful Marriage by teaching you how to know and marry the Right Person and How to Love and Peacefully Live with the Person you’ve married.
Furthermore, KSM has been developed to also meet certain needs of the separated, divorced, widows, parents and clerics concerning marriage and helping both themselves and their children, members and other people to know how to marry rightly and manage their marriages.
- TODAY’S TOPIC
Our first topic is MARITAL COMPATIBILITY. This lecture is VERY IMPORTANT to your life and future, because it determines how you’ll choose a life partner in life if you’re single and it’ll show you why you got married as a married person.
Single or married, this Lecture will reveal to you one major purpose of marriage and what you should focus upon that will make you choose rightly and be happy in your marriage.
If you choose wrongly, you’ll regret it in life and might be weeping for the rest of your life on earth.
But, if you choose rightly, you’ll be Happy for it and have JOY for the rest of your life in this world.
There are many people who got married and are now regretting that they ever did. They now wish they were still single.
Because what they thought about marriage is not what they see within marriage.
Most of the times, this happens because these people chose wrongly or because they didn’t know and do what was needed before they got married.
However, there are others who chose rightly but lack the right knowledge needed to make that marriage to work. If you’re one of such, just follow the Lectures well, you shall discover what you need to do to turn that marriage around.
Lastly, even if you chose wrongly, all you need is right knowledge and right action. No matter what is happening in your marriage or what has happened in it, if you focus on this training and apply all the lessons, that wrong choice will become a right choice. But, you must be willing and ready to pay the price it takes to have that kind of marriage you want.
In this training, we have the singles, marrieds, separated, divorced, widowed, with parents and clerics who want to learn how to help their children and members. The training and each Lecture is for you.
But, I’ll use the general term of single and married to address each category. And, most times, I’ll generally talk to you as if you’re single. When you see me address you this way, just apply what I’m saying to your category and situation. There are specific reasons for using that method.
If you’re currently not single, for you to have what you want for yourself or someone else, you must sometimes see yourself like you’re just about to start afresh or make a choice.
That way, you can more easily realise certain mistakes you’ve made, discover the right moves you ought to have made or should make, undo the wrong deeds done and make the right choice that will give you the change and joy you need in your marriage, in your next choice, or for your children and members.
Therefore, whenever and wherever you see the word single, or see me address you as if you’re still single, know I’m talking to you. Even if you’re here because you want to help others, for you to effectively help them you must first put yourself in their shoes.
Having established that, let me now ask you a few questions.
- WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
Have you ever seen two people who loved each other and were so happy with each other that they decided to spend the rest of their lives together forever?
They call people from far and near to come and rejoice and celebrate with them…
And people left all their stuff because of them on that day to honour their day…
Only for them to move in together and after a short time begin to fight…
And then begin to hate each other…
And then start saying, “We can’t just live together.”
And then so much hate each other to the extent that one begins to plot the downfall of the other.
And then one wishing the other dead…
And then one stabbing the other to death?
Has any of you ever seen or heard any of such stories before, something close to it, or were you the one it happened to or someone dear to you?
Anyone?
Why did their Great Love for each other turn to Great Hatred?
What happened that made Great Lovers to become Great Haters?
Why did people who were so much in love with each other that they almost couldn’t do without each other, now begin to hate each other to the extent of not wanting to see each other or even killing each other?
- THIS IS WHY YOU ARE HERE
All these are what we are going to learn during this training programme…
So that you can choose someone who’ll LOVE YOU till the end and not someone who’ll love you today and hate you tomorrow and then KILL YOU and make your parents and siblings, neighbours and friends to begin to WEEP because of you while they see your corpse on the ground.
You’re Here to Know WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW and DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO that’ll help you choose the RIGHT LIFE PARTNER in life.
Now, having laid that foundation.
Let’s move into the deeper lecture. Let us begin by asking and answering a few more questions.
The first question we shall ask is this:
- WHO IS A LIFE PARTNER?
What does it mean to have a life partner?
To answer that question properly…
We need to first know WHAT IS LIFE?
And then we need to know WHO IS A PARTNER?
When we put the two together, we shall correctly understand who a Life Partner is.
Now, first, WHAT IS LIFE?
In a simple term…
Life is the period when you breath on earth…
It is the time between your birth and your death.
You stop living once you stop breathing.
So, life is that period of time when you live on earth.
Then, WHO IS A PARTNER?
In few words…
A partner is someone who works with you to achieve something you want to achieve in your life at a time.
A partner is someone who helps you to do what you want to do, but which you cannot alone do.
A partner is that person that assists you to achieve your dreams…
A partner in short, is someone that helps you to achieve your desire at a time…
A partner is someone who works with you to fulfil your purpose in life.
Now, let us take one of those definitions of Partner and work with it…
A partner is someone who works with you to achieve what you want to achieve in life.
Let’s now put together the definition of LIFE and the definition of PARTNER to properly define a LIFE PARTNER.
Single, married, separated, divorced, widowed, parent, cleric, are you still with me?
- WHO IS A LIFE PARTNER?
A Life Partner Therefore, Is Someone Who Works with You to Achieve your Dreams for the Rest of Your Life on Earth.
A LIFE PARTNER is SOMEONE who WORKS with YOU and SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH to ACHIEVE what you and what they WANT to achieve for the REST of YOUR LIFE on EARTH.
Do you get that well?
Your Life Partner is that person who’ll work with you to achieve in life what you want to achieve and need to achieve…and that person works with you for as long as you are alive and you work with the person for as long as he or she too is alive.
That’s why it’s called a LIFE PARTNER
You must be working together to achieve your dreams together throughout the periods you’re both breathing on earth.
Are you getting something?
Are you discovering what you’re looking for, what was missing, what is missing and what you should do in and for your partner, relationship and marriage?
Were you doing this? Are you starting now?
So, it is not a one year partnership…
Not a five year partnership…
Not a ten, twenty or even forty year partnership…
It is a Lifetime Partnership.
So, you must understand that…
A life partner is different from a business partner.
A business partner can work with you and leave you after five or twenty years…
But a life partner is meant to work WITH YOU for the rest of your life.
So, if you’re choosing a husband or wife, you MUST BE SURE that that person wouldn’t leave you when things get tough…and you wouldn’t leave them when things get tough.
Not leave you when you’re in trouble…
Not leave you when you need them the most…or when they need you the most.
It must be someone that will BE WITH YOU…STAY WTH YOU…STAND BY YOU and WORK WITH YOU for the rest of your life…and someone you’ll do same to.
You see, not only someone that will only sleep with you or begin to work against you or slap you daily…
It must be someone that’ll WORK with you to achieve your dreams in life.
If you beat your wife or beat your husband, are you a life partner that way or a life problem?
Did they marry you so you can slap and beat them, or so you can help them achieve their dreams in life?
So, become someone that helps your partner achieve his or her life dreams and become happy…and marry that kind of person.
Not someone who beats and slaps you.
Not someone who sleeps from morning till night…but someone who works with you to help you achieve your dreams in life.
They don’t also just Work Alone…but they WORK WITH YOU…
Not someone that’s ASHAMED of you…
If she or he is ashamed of you, how can he or she work with you?
Now, work with you to do what?
TO ACHIEVE what you want to achieve or need to achieve in life…
To fulfil your purpose on earth.
- ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION
You must start asking yourself…WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE in my life…
Many people choose a life partner without even knowing what they want to achieve in their own lives…
How can you then know who’s good enough to work with you to achieve it…when you don’t even know what you want to achieve in your life?
You must choose someone that’ll work with you to ACHIEVE your life dream.
So, you can see now that _choosing a life partner or choosing the right life partner is not bread and butter matter?
These are some of the reasons why you see that people who were happy on their wedding day suddenly become enemies to each other…after some time.
Because they did not consider all these things well enough before they married each other.
- WHY IS LOVE NEVER ENOUGH?
Love Is Never Enough to Marry a Good Husband or Wife.
If you marry only based on love…there’ll be a time that that love would begin to Grow Cold when certain things begin to happen.
And you see, Cold Water cannot make any meal talk less of making a good meal.
Cold water cannot cook rice or make Eba…
When you pour raw rice into cold water, it will not cook it and it’ll never be done.
If you pour Garri into Cold Water…you can never make Eba with you.
That’s why you see a lot of marriages breaking up, because their Love for Each Other Has Grown Cold…after a while in that marriage.
Which happens because they did not consider all what they needed to consider before they got married.
They only allow themselves to be Blinded by Love without asking Necessary Questions.
LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH to make a Good Marriage in Life. So don’t choose a LIFE PARTNER based on Love Enough.
You have to ASK QUESTIONS upon questions…and the questions you are asking must be the RIGHT QUESTIONS.
Don’t only ask that “Do we love each other…does he or she care for me…does he or she spend money on me, can he or she cook good meal…?” etc.
Those are very good and important questions…but they are not enough to decide to marry someone.
- GO BEYOND THE SURFACE…ASK DEEPER QUESTIONS
You must go beyond that and begin to ask deeper and Life Partnership Questions…Because someone could love you today and not love you tomorrow…
Because their love for you has grown cold and they don’t have the right knowledge. So you must think and ask to know deeper things about the future…from the present.
Can that person Work With You…Can He or She Assist You to Achieve What You Want to Achieve in Your Life…Can they Stay with You THROUGHOUT your LIFETIME…and can you help them do the same?
If you marry because he or she is good in bed alone, is having sex the only thing you’ve come to do in life?
If you marry because of beautiful or handsome face, would looking at that face every day from morning till night help you ACHIEVE YOUR LIFE DREAMS?
Will that face not even grow old?
If you marry because of money and cars and houses he or she has, would those things truly make you happy for the rest of your life?
Would money and possession alone give you happiness even if he’s never with you…and has to go from place to place to make more money, only to come and see you once or twice in three months?
Imagine King Solomon who had 1000 women…
If you married such a person because of their wealth…
How many days do we have in a year?
That means Solomon could Sleep with you or be in your own room ONLY ONCE in 3 YEARS.
Is that the kind of life you want to live?
You must THINK WELL before you CHOOSE a spouse…and ask yourself, the one you chose, what are you doing to him or her?
Is he or she happy for marrying you, are you making him or her happy in that marriage?
You must count the cost…
So many people make the choice of a life partner without considering the meaning of Life Partner…
Don’t Become One of Them. If you have been, make the right amendments today. Help your spouse to achieve what they want to achieve in life, thing God has laid in their heart: work with him or her, to achieve his or her dreams and be happy as a person.
That was why you married her, that was why you married him.
- NEVER FORGET THIS…
So, A LIFE PARTNER is SOMEONE who WORKS with YOU to ACHIEVE what you WANT to achieve for the REST of YOUR LIFE on EARTH.
Your Life Partner is that person who’ll work with you to achieve in life what you want to achieve…and that person works with you for as long as you are alive and for as long as he or she too is alive.
When you want to think more of it and think of that person, you must think of something…
Which is reduced to One Word…
It is called COMPATIBILITY.
It is choosing someone that’s compatible with you that’ll make you have a successful life partnership.
So, if you want to choose that kind of person…
Before you choose a life partner you must be SURE you two are COMPATIBLE with Each Other. And, if you have chosen, you two must now work together from now and become compatible, or work on yourself to become compatible with that person.
That you can live together in peace and harmony forever and assist each other to achieve what each of you wants to achieve in life.
You must know this and be sure of it before you choose or before you get married to him or her, or you must now become it, daily from now.
This is very important.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON?
Now, the question is this…how do you know who this person is?
How do you know who is compatible with you, or, how do you become such person in your marriage?
First, let’s define what it means to be compatible…then we shall from there begin to see how to know who is compatible with you and how to become compatible with your husband or wife.
- WHAT IS COMPATIBILITY?
COMPATIBILITY IS THE CAPABILITY OF TWO PEOPLE TO LIVE TOGETHER IN HARMONY FOR A LONG TIME WITHOUT PROBLEMS, WITHOUT MAJOR PROBLEMS, OR WITHOUT UNRESOLVABLE PROBLEMS.
Do you get that?
The Ability for you to stay in the same room with someone for twenty years without the two of you breaking each other’s heads.
You see, sometimes people mistaken compatibility at work with compatibility in marriage.
Because they don’t know that there are different kinds of compatibilities in life.
- DIFFERENT KINDS OF COMPATIBILITY IN LIFE
You could be able to work with someone in office and achieve result…it is called Office or Work Compatibility.
It doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible in marriage…
You know some singers that marry their manager because the manager works well with them, brings out the best in them, helps them to make money, brings out their talents and image…
So they think the person can also be like that to them in marriage…only for them to get married and begin to break each other’s heads.
That’s a Mistake of Misplacing Office or Work or Business Compatibility with Marriage or Marital Compatibility.
Is someone still with me?
Please don’t mention anybody’s name, even if the description I made fits someone you know.
Just think about them in your heart to guide yourself.
Because as a preacher I preach and you as a singer sing and then the power of God came down and miracles take place, and it always happens like that each time we work together that way, doesn’t mean that it’ll work well like that with us in marriage if we make the mistake of marrying each other…
That can only be said to be Ministerial Compatibility.
Reading together as students and achieving success doesn’t mean we are compatible for marriage…it is only Studies or Academic Compatibility.
That we pray together and heaven came down doesn’t mean if we marry each other that JESUS would be living in our home, NO, that is only Prayer Compatibility.
The fact that we do business together and always make money when we do so doesn’t mean our marriage will work…we might only have Business or Idea Compatibility.
Enjoying sex together sef, if you’ve been doing that, which is wrong in the first place, doesn’t mean you’ll be happy together in marriage. That’s only Sexual or Sinful Compatibility.
That’s why you see two people with many children but are still always fighting each other.
And you’ll wonder that if they don’t love each other how come they have so many children for each other…abi, sebi it is something they are doing that’s bringing the children? And they call that thing ”Love Making”.
But, being good together in bed doesn’t mean you’ll be good together in marriage.
Flowing well with someone while talking, chatting or gossiping together too doesn’t mean you’ll be good together in marriage…you might only have talk or gossip compatibility.
Some people have Gossip Compatibility.
So, there could be other areas where you might be compatible with a particular person, while you may not be compatible in or for marriage.
So many people who got married and are now divorcing or fighting each other or killing each other or now hating each other and saying, ”We have irreconcilable differences” are among those who got married because of some of these other kinds of compatibilities…, without checking whether they truly have MARITAL COMPATIBILITY.
Remember, COMPATIBILITY IS THE CAPABILITY OF TWO PEOPLE TO LIVE TOGETHER IN HARMONY FOR A LONG TIME WITHOUT PROBLEMS, WITHOUT MAJOR PROBLEMS, OR UNRESOLVABLE PROBLEMS.
THIS IS WHAT MAKES YOU COMPATIBLE WITH SOMEONE FOR MARRIAGE!
If you’re married, you must develop yourself to become that kind of person in that marriage.
You must be able to LIVE TOGETHER, not just work, preach, play, talk, business, pray, study, sex, gossip etc. together.
Living together for a long time, without breaking each other’s heads or without giving someone UNRESOLVABLE problems or having such together…is compatibility.
I hope someone understands all these things?
Please read these things very well over and over again.
You’re here so you wouldn’t marry the wrong person in life or so you would transform yourself and become the right person for that husband or wife you have married.
What have you been doing wrongly?
Where do years u need to change right now?
Get a piece of paper, write it all down, and plan what to do and not do, what to start and what to stop, how to start and how to stop, where and when to do them. And, do them.
Can you help someone fulfil their dreams in life, are you helping that person fulfil their dreams in life?
So, the name of this particular course of The King’s School of Marriage is COMPATIBILITY FOR HAPPY MARRIAGE.
And our first topic is MARITAL COMPATIBILITY.
- DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
Your Questions Are Already Likely Answered in Subsequent Lectures. So, Whatever Questions You Have, Write Them Somewhere and Start Checking Them Out As You Get the Answers to Them.
Help Others to Take This Training Also. Send the Adverts and Our Website Address to Them.
Now, Answer the Following Questions:
- WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT THIS LECTURE?
- WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT FROM THIS LECTURE?
- BASED ON THIS FIRST LECTURE, WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT KING’S SCHOOL OF MARRIAGE?
This Is the First Lecture, in All, We Have 15 More Lectures to Go.
Thank You Very Much for Joining, Learning and for Changing and Growing As You’re Doing What You’re Being Taught.
CLASS CLOSE!